| oh dear gods |
[21 Jan 2010|01:48am] |
Though you cannot yet be mine.
I love you. I love you I love you I love you.
And you are amazing. After tonight, even more so.
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| realized i should probably post |
[09 Dec 2009|04:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
Don't want people thinking I'm wallowing over T for a month. To be honest, I DID wallow...when he moved out in September. But because I was the one who ended this relationship, I've been doing okay. Especially after learning what he's been doing since we broke up, the least of which being losing his job because he lost his temper, it's been a lot easier. And...the one I'll call the happy warrior...he makes it easier...even though he's not mine and it hurts. But just being around him is a light for me, makes me breathe easier and feel more like, well, me...and that's enough, for now. I got really lucky this time around that I wasn't alone. I know, everyone always says you're not alone, but this is the first time I really felt like I had full-on support through this.
And since I don't even think he knows this exists, and barely anyone reads this who would even have the slightest chance of knowing him...I think I'm falling for you.
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[07 Nov 2009|01:20am] |
So it's really done, this time. Funny thing is...I initiated it this time. And I think it's going to stick.
And I feel like shit.
And like no one will ever and could ever love me.
The end. Tonight.
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| sleep deprivation |
[31 Oct 2009|02:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
I don't drink at all, never have. But when your fellow coworkers are telling you you're acting like you're tipsy, you know you're sleep deprived. 85-hour work week, 13-hour shifts (14 tomorrow!) without breaks the last two days and this coming one, getting home at 1:30 AM and still needing to feed my pets and feed myself, maybe sneak in a super-fast shower, getting up early to dress up for theme days...
I apparently am cursing like a sailor and have lost all sense of a verbal filter. But it's okay...because so has everyone else around me. It's...fun. And horrible. But fun.
SLEEP. SUNDAY.
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| passing the week at Gothic Renaissance |
[28 Oct 2009|12:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
Sexual Harassment Mondays
Topless Tuesdays
Humpday
Surprise Threesome Thursdays
Casual Sex Fridays
Slutty Saturdays
Bloody Sundays
As decided by Bobby (a girl)
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| just because i feel like whining... |
[17 Oct 2009|11:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
Even though I a.) love both my jobs, and b.) signed up for this in the first place so have no right to complain:
10/11: Gothic Renaissance 12-9:30ish (no idea when we actually got out), half hour break
10/12: GR 11-9:30ish (no idea...), half hour break
10/13: Lush 11-4, 15 minute break
10/14: GR 11-9:30ish (no idea...), half hour break
10/15: OFF (so freakin' rare, but it was T's birthday)
10/16: GR 12-10:30ish (more like 11), half hour break
10/17: GR 11-10:30ish, half hour break
Total: about 55 hours. NEXT WEEK:
10/18: Lush 3-9:30 (staff meeting for 8:30-9:30), 15 minute break
10/19: GR 11-10:30ish, half hour break
10/20: GR 2-10:30ish, half hour break (but I also have a foot doctor appointment at 8:00 AM)
10/21: GR 11-10:30ish, half hour break
10/22: GR 11-10:30ish, half hour break
10/23: GR 12-11:30ish, half hour break
10/24: GR 11 AM-11:30ish, half hour break
Total: about 70.5 hours.
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| question on my world history |
[19 Aug 2009|11:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
So T just showed me the Jackie Chan movie "Legend of Drunken Master", and I was left a little confused. Though they never say exactly when the movie takes place, it appears to be pre-Communist China. However, it was filmed in 1994, so obviously Chinese politics come into effect here (and I checked the locations, it was definitely shot in China). They never say the word "union" in the film, but it's distinctly hinted at that there is a unionist uprising of sorts among the local workers (they're miners or metal workers or something). Am I wrong in my understanding of modern Chinese politics that they would consider a film involving unions and labor uprisings propagandist and dangerous to the government? I'm just surprised this subtext got through.
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| something a little scary going through my head |
[30 Jul 2009|05:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
curious |
] |
So, my mom recently got all my Animorphs out of storage and sent them to me, and I've been re-reading them. I've actually done this once before since entering adulthood; I did a project on anthropomorphism (attributing human qualities to animals) through Animorphs for a class during sophomore year in college (and got an A, thank you very much). I truly believe these aren't just books for kids...they start off that way, but they get into some fairly mature conversations on sentience, animal rights, genocide, war, morality, even existentialism and fate versus free will. They're just written in language for kids. Anyway, so I'm reading them now at 23 rather than 13, and this really messed-up thought occurred to me:
If human-Controllers have to keep up the semblance of a normal life until the Yeerks are large enough in populace on Earth to openly invade, and if we can't assume that all adult human-Controllers who have partners are therefore partnered with other human-Controllers (aka, Marco's mom and dad, mom was a Controller when she met dad who is a free human...Marco even mentions once catching his mom and dad "making out like teenagers"), then is there a continuing sexual non-reproductive relationship? Yeerks would see the point in reproduction (hell, it's why they invaded Earth, because we're so numerous), but what about just average everyday sex for fun between loving partners? Because if one partner just stopped having sex with their other partner and it couldn't be chalked up to relationship issues (of which there should be none: the Yeerk controlling the human would want everything as peaceful as possible to continue their plan of subversive invasion) or physical or mental health, it would be seen as very strange. And people talk.
And while on the subject of reproduction, if a Yeerk was controlling a GBLTQ person in a relationship, would they then keep up the relationship for the sake of appearances, or would they force the host to seek someone of the other sex for the sake of reproduction, as Yeerks understand next to nothing of love for love's sake?
I think too much.
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| i never post in here |
[19 Jul 2009|09:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
It's weird. I check LJ one or two times each day to check up on my friends, but I have barely any urge to write. Maybe because I feel my life isn't very interesting. And not very much changes.
Most exciting thing of my morning so far? My cockatiel (currently on my shoulder) just gave me a wet sneeze into my hair.
I got fired from Bath Junkie. They let myself and two other girls go...basically anyone who wasn't management. They decided they can run the business with four people, one of which is a publicist and the other is the CEO and doesn't know how to actually work a store rather than treating it like the company itself. My manager, Jessica, got to keep her job, but told me when she let me go that she hated how this happened (basically they told the three girls including myself that the schedule was too full this week, then put us off indefinitely, then forced Jessica to do the firing) and that it was undeserved on all parts. And just last week I found out that Jessica herself QUIT because she couldn't stand how it was run. I wonder if I'd ever have the guts to do that. I wanted to leave Bath Junkie, but I couldn't quit...then I didn't have a choice.
I've been looking for a new second job...it's actually HARDER now than in January. I thought it would be easier, I'd apply as summer help and kick ass so much they keep me on after labor day, but no luck so far. A couple leads that want me to call in August, but in the meantime I'm struggling. Plus I had a couple people say, "Yes, we're hiring! We'll call you next week to set up an interview, we're very excited!"...and no call. I called back a week ago just to check in, seeing if the job was still open, and they said, "Oh, no need to call, we're going to be making our calls very soon." Uh-huh.
In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed for me at Lush, guys. I really want to keep that job for a long time.
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| bubble hater! |
[02 Jun 2009|08:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
So, part of my job at Lush entails going outside the store when it's slow and demoing on the street. Hand treatments tend to weird people out when it's outside (takes some time, involves touching their hands), so often I bring out bubble bath and bath bombs. I let the bath bomb do its thing and start tossing two jugs of bubble bath back and forth to build up water pressure, then scoop my hands in and blow the bubbles everywhere. It's not like blowing bubbles with a wand, it's thicker and messier, but it's fun. I'm not stupid, I aim AWAY from people, but there is that thing on Broadway we call "wind" and occasionally it will change the direction of my bubbles, and someone gets hit by a quarter-size blop of bubble.
Now, if it were me, I'd probably have a strong reaction if I got hit and didn't know what hit me, turning around and saying something along the lines of "What the hell?" But once I saw that it was bubbles, I'd probably go, "Oooooh, bubbles!" and either keep on going or walk over to the person to see what's up. Not this lady.
Older lady, maybe in her 60's, pushing one of those upright shopping carts. She turns around and goes, "What the hell are you doing?" Staying positive, per my job, I say, "I'm blowing bubbles!" She says, "This is no place for bubbles, it's inappropriate, you should be ashamed of yourself!" Again, staying positive, I say, "It's always a place for a bubble bath! Why not? It's such a gorgeous day!" (and it was). And what do I get? "What do you expect me to do, strip naked and take a bath right here????? SHAMEFUL!" And off she went.
Craaaaazy lady. Who hates bubbles??? That lady needs a bubble bath...and a few more things besides! :)
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| veeeery tired |
[23 May 2009|12:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
Got to see Green Day in Central Park for free today. I learned, after not being able to go to concerts for almost two years now, that I a.) still adore Green Day and b.) still HATE screaming teenage fangirls. Seriously...I outgrew my "OMG THEY'RE SO HAWT I LUV U MARRY MEEEEEEE!!!!" phase around 12. Sheesh.
I walked to Central Park from East End because a bus wasn't going to come fast enough at 4:30 AM, and then I walked from Central Park to Broadway for work. Feet hurt!
Oh, and Billy Joe looks like a wee little elf up close.
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| definition of a man |
[10 May 2009|01:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
From a (very nice, and HETERO) male customer at Bath Junkie:
"Great! You guys are awesome. Now I have my bath products, my purse, and my small dog...and I'm going to Chelsea." [raised eyebrow]
Awesome. :)
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| why i don't necessarily want to be Equity |
[08 May 2009|02:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
I was at an audition today for a play called Haunted House, and it was more relaxing for me because my part called for "cute fast-talking geek chick", so I got to wear my glasses instead of contacts, which is always a luxury. It was going fine, until these two women, maybe in their 30's (going for a different character), started harassing the monitor (NOT an Equity monitor, by the way), saying that since this was an Equity showcase show, all the Equity girls should go first. He had no idea, so one of them got on her phone and called her agent to find out. Seemed odd to me because I've been to showcase auditions and that's not generally how it goes (Equity shows with non-union people waiting, yes...union/non-union shows that are open calls anyway, not so much), and I was right...when she got off the phone she announced to the whole room that she was wrong, and HOW WEIRD IS THAT I'M SO SURPRISED AND BESIDES IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT and blah blah blah. I look around me and a lot of people are hiding smiles. I catch one girl's eye...she rolls her eyes in disbelief, I mouth, "What a bitch!", and she starts silently cracking up. Eventually we ALL got to go in, and it moved fast enough (I got there at 10:00, I was #29, I went in at 11:15), and that was that.
Seriously, what attitude. We're all in the same boat, just because you're Equity doesn't make you necessarily more talented, just either luckier or better-connected. I think we can all attest that there are plenty of Equity and SAG actors out there who don't deserve their cards while so many non-union people are immensely more talented. Blah blah blah.
The audition went fine, by the way. LOL!
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| fuck my life |
[21 Apr 2009|01:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
I'm writing this from an extremely glitchy keyboard while on lunch break from jury duty. I haven't even done anything yet, I was part of a group called downstairs to be questioned but they only spoke to 20 of the 35, and that didn't include me, so I just sat there and was miserable. I spoke to the judge asking to be excused due to emotional distress stemming from the events of this morning, and though I tried to breathe through the explanation I started crying uncontrolably anyway, but was not allowed. I have to be here tomorrow too, and this morning may have marked the beginning of my worst day ever, all because I had to be me and finally hold my ground, even though it killed me to do so.
Fuck. My. Life.
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| sounds of the outdoors |
[18 Apr 2009|12:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
For three nights now, Zhana has missed a couple crickets at her evening meal. The temperature in the apartment is now comfortable enough that the crickets have made themselves known. I don't know if the lizard's just losing her touch, or plain lazy, but it sounds like a white noise creator, like those things that make it sound like waves or a breeze or...CRICKETS! ALL THE TIME CRICKETS!!!!!
Zhana, PLEASE eat the damn cricket...mommy's begging you.
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| an anniversary of sorts |
[01 Apr 2009|11:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
Today is one year at the batloft. Not exactly, since it took another two weeks to move in the furniture and get the cable set up and bring all my stuff over from Water Street, but this marks one year that T and I went to the main office, grabbed my keys, got the copies made, set up the (now disfunctional) deadbolt, and generally walked into my place as mine. Whoo-hoo.
Now...why has my rent letter not arrived yet? I REALLY don't want to be yelled at for paying rent late because of THEIR stupidity...
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| first real film |
[08 Mar 2009|11:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
I just shot a music video all day for a new artist called Just Kait. I had to do crazy making out with an "opposite" guy (I was cast as a goth, he was cast as conservative), which was okay because we got along, and we had to really get into it so, like just about everyone else, we both ended up losing our shirts (I had a bra on of course). It was awkward at first, but I closed my eyes and imagined T, and you just get into it and forget what everyone else was doing. It helped that they were playing the song, "U Suck", too. They told us it would premiere in April, so looking forward to that!
Lush and Bath Junkie are going well, although I enjoy Lush A LOT more than Bath Junkie, which is a little stuck-up. Not mean, just...ritzy for my taste. I do hope if I end up having to choose, Lush presents me with good options, because I'd be very very happy there. And I'm already spending money I don't have with my discount there, so...
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| family harmony |
[21 Feb 2009|10:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
This was just too cute, and had to be shared.
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| job, possibly? |
[17 Feb 2009|12:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
So it looks like Lush is happening! It'll be very few hours and a little less pay than at Iron Fairies, but it's a job and one I can really feel passionate about, as the company is pretty much awesome! I especially like how, unlike Ash with Iron Fairies, everything is open and honest about the products and what goes into them and what the business practices are. I can definitely be proud of that! I'm going tomorrow to fill out paperwork after having attended a corporate event on Monday (with Anna!) for already-hired employees and being seen as interested in learning and enthusiastic. Go me!
I'm also going to Bath Junkie tomorrow, in the morning...let's see how THAT goes...
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